You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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