My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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