I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
