I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.