There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.