Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive