Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.