i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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