she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
