and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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