I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I want her autograph on my taint
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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