I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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