goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
