go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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