dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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