Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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