I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
