In the future we'll all be gay
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
