just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
