I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize