She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
