Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
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Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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