Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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