She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
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woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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