He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
