yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
