I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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