Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
