i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
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I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize