i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
