So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
