Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
