Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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