Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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