I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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