You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
