i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
