conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
