she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
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trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
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I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.