the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
They took my balls.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.