walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How external is "for external use only"?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.