Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Randomize
