I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
