Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
