David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
