nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
