Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
