she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
