theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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