it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
