At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
