I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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