u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
And then he peed in my hair
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
