my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you will always have a special place in my vag
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
