Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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