you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
