no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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