ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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