Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
