i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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