I wish I only lived at night.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
