i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
